It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward?
Do I really have to do this part? I really hate doing this part.
Alright then, I forgive, KM, the demon from hell for making my life hell from 1998 until 2000. I won't use her "illness" as an excuse. We were both in a place and that place caused us to crash but it was something I needed to do in order to be reborn. Or I guess reinvented would be a better word. But after 12 years, things change, you get better, you write, you meet someone like MJ who shows you girls aren't trying to stab your heart out with a stiletto, that there are girls out there, people who are very understanding and compassionate. And sure I could focus on the demon from hell, or just on MJ, who's like my boxing manager. Seems like in life you go through levels like you do in video games. I'm way past the earlier levels, so the demon from hell is just a passing thought and doesn't consume me as it once did. Though that doesn't stop me from wanting to kill other people, which transitions to...
I forgive the rent-a-cops for screwing me over. They were doing their job and I guess I did mine. Sure I don't trust them anymore, but they go there way, I go mine. There's no need to go slash their tires, or set something on fire. This isn't some Christian forgiveness either because I'm not going to hide behind that and say "I'm a Christian and I forgive you because that's what I do." Well, one of them is too, and I don't agree with his actions. It's just forgiveness because I'd like to attend the Thank goodness it's over party next year. I mean I don't want to have to say "Sorry, can't make it, in jail at the moment!" Plus as MJ would say I'm better than that, and it moves me up a level. Mario gets to rescue the princess eventually. Who is the princess? Well, I suppose it's me, except the male version. If that makes any sense.
I forgive my parents for not understanding my writing ability or not understanding my lifestyle choice. Which actually sounds like a pride week thing, when it's just that I want to write stories. I want to write. How hard is it for them to understand that? Sure, I don't make a lot doing that, but I figure it's better doing that, than dying.
I also forgive my parents for causing me to have a bad childhood. Yes, they were a part of it! But it's that old saying "Forgive them lord, they know not what they do." And that's pretty much it. They were young, they didn't know how to parent, they've learned from their mistakes, and I've stopped blaming them. Eventually, there comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents for your shortcomings and just go out in the world and succeed, and that's what I've been doing. I still cannot believe how much I've done and learned in the past ten years.
I also forgive people that just don't understand I write. They have kids, they have families, I don't. I have my stories and my characters and my words. Sometimes when you have nothing, that could mean the difference between life and death. Of course, there is God, but he's supposed to be everywhere, so I'm sure he's in the stories somewhere. Maybe he's speaking through me, through my stories? Sometimes I feel that instead of me writing the stories, my stories are writing me.
I also forgive people that mess with my friends, and goodness, there is a lot of them! They're young, they don't know what they're doing. Eventually they learn that it's wrong. And this is before I need to step in.
I guess I should forgive the chocolate milk carton thrower. Yeah, I know you didn't mean it. Of course, I hope you're not stupid enough to visit me again. ...Not good to mess with a writer.
Lastly, and I don't really need to forgive this person in this post because it's been done years ago, but I forgive MJ for breaking up with me. I forgave her 10 minutes after she broke up with me, that's how easy she is to get along with. Basically, she had to, nothing to do with me, and four years later, we're great friends and we still send Valentine's Day cards to each other.
Forgiveness isn't so much about trying to find some kind of redemption or something, it's about moving on, because if you're stuck in that one place, you don't move up any levels.
No comments:
Post a Comment